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So, you wanna do a digital detox? Pfft.

8.10 am.

It’s been forty minutes since I’ve been up. I’ve spent that time answering the various Whatsapp messages that I missed overnight, browsing through Instagram notifications, and scrolling through an endless Twitter feed that adds nothing to my day.

I mean, not nothing really! Unintentional humour in the form of political tweets does carry some importance.

So, I’ve wasted the most productive hours of my morning exercising my thumb. Nice! Since I’ve still got a couple of hours until the wife wakes up, why don’t I try an experiment? Let me try to stay off all devices for the next two hours if I can.

Alright, so we’re doing this!

I’ve set the phone to one side, what now? Ooh, let me get myself a cup of tea. That should take a good ten minutes off my mind. But wait, does the stove count as a device? Okay, correction. Let me try to stay off all ‘digital’ devices.

Speaking of tea, have you noticed how the moment we decide to do nothing, our mind instinctively wanders to food? Don’t believe me? Just look at all the great minds of our generation –There’s Lebowski with his White Russian, Joey with his pepperoni, and Mr Lecter with his affection for liver and fava beans. Just kidding, no one eats liver with fava beans!

Okay, the water in the teapot is boiling.

How do I while away my time until then? Catch up on some news? Good idea!

Oh shoot, we don’t subscribe to physical newspapers anymore. Can’t turn on the television either. That counts as a VERY digital device! You know what, let me fold yesterday’s batch of laundry. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

Speaking of laundry, have you also noticed that once you are well fed and have nothing else to do, the mind immediately turns to mundane chores such as doing the laundry, washing up some utensils, or having a bath? Just kidding, you are supposed to wash the utensils every day anyway!

Finally, the tea is ready.

Let me grab a couple of biscuits and a piece of rusk. Alright, hmm. I am exceptionally good at preparing tea. You see, it’s all about adding the leaves to the water at the right moment, and then taking it off the heat after a precise duration. Today’s batch is clearly one of my best. It could win a Golden Globe, provided they felt strongly about the art of boiling tea leaves.

Maybe it is a thing in England. A tea-making contest. Why don’t I check if BAFTA celebrates something of this sort? Can always Google it. Oh crap, can’t do that either.

It’s cool, no worries! Why don’t I note it down and look it up later? I see a rogue book lying on the table, but cannot find a pen. Hold on, let me look for one. Where did I keep that sad blue pouch with all the writing devices? I think it’s in this drawer.

Okay, let’s try this pen. Damn, the ink’s all dried up. Haaaawww…haaaawww… That should warm it up. Yup, as smooth as butter now. Ooh, this feels good. It’s been ages since I held a pen.

My name is Rohit Bane. I am a stupid writer who has forgotten to use a pen! But this really feels good. Hands are a bit shaky, but not bad! Maybe I will do this more often. Anyway, I had this idea to Google – does England have tea-making competitions?

THERE! How much time do we have left in the challenge? Goddammit! It’s only been thirty minutes!

I know what I’ll do.

I’ll pick up the book that I’d left unfinished over the weekend. Wait, that’s on my Kindle, which is as digital a device as it gets. The stupid thing even has an ‘e’ in its description.

I don’t know about other Kindle users, but I still have a quaint little collection of physical books that I’ve held on to, anticipating this very day.

Who am I kidding? I have those books only because they look pretty under the television unit.

Why don’t I pick up one of those and start reading? Which one though? There’s a book on Alex Ferguson that is unrealistically lengthy! I don’t want to start with that now. The Harry Potter books have imprinted on my mind so deep that I can probably recite them backwards! There’s the V for Vendetta novel that I’ve read only twice. But, honestly? Remember remember on a Sunday morning?

Maybe I’ll listen to some music instead.

Yeah, I heard it.

I could always go down for a walk, but I have this idiotic sense of a schedule that forbids me from exercising in the morning if I’ve already spent more than an hour awake.

I DID say it was idiotic!

So two options then. Give up on this challenge, or pick up a lengthy book that I will never finish unless I download a second copy on my Kindle eventually!

Damn this is tougher than I had initially anticipated. Almost as tough as listening to my college professors talk about fluid mechanics for forty-five minutes. Hold on! I had a coping mechanism back then!

Where’s that damn notebook and pen! Haaaawww…haaaawww…

So you wanna do a digital detox? Tch.8.15 am 8.10 am

You know what, let me just make a quick note of this idea for my blog, and we are good to go! Enough time to squeeze in a few episodes of The Office before the wife wakes up.

Good detox! … pfft.

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