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Perks of an unspectacled life...

Ever since the third grade, I’ve always worn a pair of glasses to multiply my eye count from two to four. Well, a slight correction is in order. Technically, I USED to wear a pair of glasses until the start of this year, but I don’t anymore. Thanks to the power of a magical thing called LASIK eye surgery. Get it? I used the word correction to ‘correct’ the fact as well as my eye deformity!

No? Okay, let’s move on.

Ironically enough, I am wearing a pair of glasses while writing this very article. LASIK may have corrected my myopic eyes, but glasses with an anti-glare coating are the only option to confront the many blue-light emitting devices that plague our life at the moment. So much for cosmetic changes on zoom calls!

However, despite the occasional – – cough – – eight-hour use of the anti-glare glasses, life has become convenient in a lot of ways. And not in the obvious ways such as better peripheral vision! Who cares about that apart from Jean-Claude Van Damme?

Seriously, it’s as if that man arrived on earth for only two specific jobs – fighting hoards of goons at once, and performing 180 degree splits on every crevice that he lays his eyes on!

The conveniences that I’ve come to enjoy sans the glasses are peculiar. Consider this one for example – I used to hate doing push-ups and downward dog stretches. Well, mostly because of questionable upper body strength, but also because the glasses used to just slip off my face! Have you ever tried balancing your glasses with one hand, when both hands are actually meant to support your massive body? It’s not easy, not pretty, and most definitely hazardous based on what I’ve experienced so far.

Another queer advantage that a spectacle-free life lends is the ability to blow on hot beverages without self-fogging myself every couple of minutes. Cannot tell you what a relief that is!

Side-note: Did no one ever think of treating this ONE problem for the bespectacled folk? There is nothing worse than blowing on some hot chocolate, and then mistiming the first sip only because the fog on your glasses wouldn’t let you see where you were heading! Wish Corning would spend at least half the time that they spend on making ‘significantly-more-shatter-proof’ glasses, on solving this fog issue. Especially now, when blowing on a hot beverage with a mask AND glasses is like walking in a warm cyclone.

But the signature benefit of not having to wear glasses is, ironically, the ability to sport different sunglasses without the tedious task of wearing lenses! I owned a pair of sunglasses way back in college, which had been specially ordered to match my eye power, and I loved them. But guess what? Six months passed, my myopia got worse, and the sunglasses were practically useless.

Also, does no one think that it’s weird to measure an eye deficiency in terms of ‘power’? That’s like weighing a feather with stones.

So, I agree that the shift to a lens-free world has CLEARLY had a ‘profound’ impact on my life. But in the most expected yet unexpected turn of events, I do miss my glasses. The problem is that my conscious mind knows to NOT think about it actively, but my subconscious mind is being QUITE stubborn!

For instance, every fourth day, or maybe it’s the fifth, anyway, I wake up and rummage all around my bed for my glasses. It’s ridiculous because my wife is usually not up by then, and she involuntarily snaps at me with the same question – ‘What the hell are you searching for?!’

She does get creative with the word ‘hell’ at times, but hey, let’s keep this PG13!

Funnily enough, my response to her is always – ‘I’m looking for my phone’, when deep-down, my mind knows the real answer. I am looking for my oldest friend, the spherical lenses that used to lend clarity to life!

Earlier in this article, I mentioned the distinct advantage of natural eyesight while exercising. Absurdly still, I continue to touch the ridge between my eyes to straighten imaginary glasses while I practice the same forms.

It’s like I spent a ton of money and recovery time, only to discover that the problem was in my head! I can’t solve for that now! Lobotomies cost far more, and they’re just… nope.

I’ve given this a fair amount of thought, ever since I woke up on the first morning with a 100% clear vision. The truth is that no amount of cons, cute little ticks, or nostalgic lapses can beat that feeling. As someone who has always been dependent on an external accessory to see the world clearly, I say that my subconscious mind can go to hell!

I have no intention of adding those two eyes ever again! I don’t want to miss out on my piping hot tea, the imaginary headstands that I COULD do, and the twelve goons in a circle who are about to have their ass kicked!

But then again, having seen the sort of questionable muck that floats around in the shower, in high-definition nonetheless, I may not have pondered over this long enough.

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